Into the Darkness
by JenLea
Summary: Spike waits for the end... SpikeXander


"Into the Dark"

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Summary:Spike waits for the end...

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing you recognize.

Warning: Character Death

*If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark *

-Death Cab For Cutie

"Where is he?" she demands.

Spike has never heard Willow sound so angry. Not that he exactly blames her- but doesn't she trust him?

"Don't trust me?" He glances at Xander in the rear view mirror.

"You kidnapped a dying man from the hospital! NO. I don't trust you. You're going to kill him. He needs to be here."

"Willow. He has maybe a week left if that. I don't want him dying in the hospital. It won't do him any good. Ain't what he wanted."

"That doesn't give you the right to kidnap him! If anything happens to him, I will never forgive you."

"He's dying of AIDs. Doesn't he deserve a death with dignity?"

"Not if there's a chance he can be saved. Can't you...?"

Spike groans. He knows what she is going through. She just wants her best friend to live and be healthy. She wants the Xander she knew and loved back. She's also making a plea for his life.

Turning Xander is something Spike can never do.

If he did it, it would grant the man he loved eternal life but on the other hand, he would also lose everything that made him special. Spike also doesn't know if it would ever be possible to get Xander's soul back. It was a lucky case for him and a curse for Angel...

"No. He wouldn't be our Xan if I did that. Really, at this point, I just want him to die with dignity. I promise you that much." With that, he hangs up and jams the phone in the glovebox.

He has loved Xander for over ten years. They've been an on again, off again couple the entire time. They've been on again ever since Xander's HIV diagnosis six years prior. He had been there for numerous hospitalizations and many scares.

This is the closest he's ever seen Xander to dying.

"Almost there, Pet." Spike glances wistfully back. He doesn't want to lose Xander. He's been trying to prepare himself for this day since Xander was diagnosed. "Don't worry."

Xander hasn't been lucid in close to a week. He has moments of lucidity but they are often fleeting and don't last very long.

"Did you know it would end like this?" Spike speaks, trying to fill the silence. "I never thought you would go like this. I expected you to go in your sleep at the age of ninety. You were going to have kids. And someone who loved you better than I ever could. I know, I know. You think no one can love you the way I can. I still say if it had gone the way we had hoped, you would have found someone. Probably had a couple of kids. A dog. A picket fence. Everything I never gave you. Well, I could have given you the fence but I didn't want to. I think they're ugly."

He rambles for the next ten minutes. He speaks of the moons, of the tides, of what life will be like after he's gone. Then, he tells him something important.

"You won't be alone very long, Pet. Let me get your affairs in order first..."

He knows that Willow will probably not let him go anywhere. She has this habit of knowing what someone is feeling in their worst moments and stopping them from doing anything she deems "Stupid".

"It's a girl- you know. Willow just found out. She's thrilled. She's planning on calling her Xander-Rose. I told her 'Alexandra' might be better but she's insistent. Xander-Rose Harris Summers. Buffy's not disagreeing. Thinks she knows it'll be hopeless. You know Willow- once she has her mind on something, nothing will change it. At least Xander-Rose will be loved."

He speaks to rid himself of the silence.

His cellphone rings again.

Groaning, he pulls it out of the glove box.

"Yes?"

"Why is my pregnant wife telling me you kidnapped a dying man?"

"Don't sound so accusatory, Slayer. He's fine with me. I just can't bear the thought of him dying in the hospital. I know he doesn't have long left. Your bird's being optimistic. Why should he be forced to die in a room that has mint green walls? They're a damn eyesore."

"I trust you. Probably more than she does. Just promise me something."

"Anything, Slayer."

"Bring him back. I know it sounds silly but please. Bring him back."

Spike hangs up.

"Like I was saying, Xander-Rose will be loved. With moms like that, a grandpa like Giles and Uncle Spike, she's got to be the luckiest kid on the face of the planet. I can't wait to meet her- I hope she has your eyes. I never knew you donated before you got sick- back when we were together the first time. Imagine my shock when they told me who their donor was!"

Xander stirs slightly.

"Almost there, Pet. I promise just a little farther. You won't be alone. You've got Anya up there. Tell her to keep you company until I get there. I would leave tonight but...you would brain me if I left before the baby came."

He pulls onto a dirt road.

"I was there when it first started- San Francisco. Just passing through but I was there. What I saw there was worse than any massacre I had ever seen. So much pain- so much...I don't even know what." He glances back, noticing the purple lesions dotting Xander's skin. "You're almost free, Pet."

There had been talk of turning him back when he had his first diagnosis. Spike had been reluctantly willing, only ready when Xander gave his word. Xander hadn't wanted it- there was too much he loved about being human. Things he would never be able to experience if he became a vampire.

The car stops in a small clearing. Spike opens the door, walks out and opens the backdoor. He scoops Xander out, visibly frightened by how light he was.

It is one thing to know that someone is thin but a completely different thing when you feel it.

"Oh, Pet." He sighs. "I do love you..."

The waves crash audibly in the distance. The air is perfumed thickly with the salty sea. Somewhere in the distance, a bird screams. The moon is heavy and full, resting high above the water.

"You wanted to die by the water. You never wanted to be in the hospital." He sets Xander down in the sand before he sits next to him. "Are you going to wait for me,Pet?" He lightly caresses Xander's curls. "I promise you won't be waiting too, too long."

He grips Xander in his arms, just waiting. He is unaware of what he is waiting for but just knows he is waiting. Is he waiting for the end? Waiting for a miracle?

He just wishes he knows.


End file.
